From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

Onion News Network anchor Brandon Armstrong argues passionately for the existence of flying cars.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

271 are dead after an Onion News Network Special Investigative Report on airport security.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

Fast food giant Yum! Brands believes its new feedbags will make it even easier for Americans to constantly be eating.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

Thanksgiving is a time for far-flung family members to reunite with each other and share in holiday cheer at the airport.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

In this Onion News Network special feature, our soldiers stationed abroad remind us there’s still a war going on.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

As Queen Elizabeth II becomes the oldest reigning monarch in British history, we take a look at some of her most significant waving moments.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

Unless Americans turn to alternative sources of entertainment, the 'Hannah Montana' star will soon be completely tapped out.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

An enigmatic man appeared in Hastings, NY, beckoning people to join his quest for a world free of despair as he shook hands and kissed newborns.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

As the wreckage from today’s tragic crash continues to smolder, one can't help but think of the accident that took the life of the People's Princess.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

The Blockbuster Video Living Museum offers tourists a glimpse of how Americans rented movies in the days before Netflix and iTunes.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

A shocking new study finds U.S. children lag far behind their international peers in subjects like rifle assembly and mine defusing.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

A recent survey of children found that they are not in favor of increased doctor visits and vaccinations.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

In this special feature, troops overseas talk about things that make the season special, like modular tactical vests and M40 field protective masks.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

After years of experiments and tens of millions of dollars, scientists have finally created a sheep that thinks and acts like a goat.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

The nation’s poor get to experience true Christmas spirit, while the wealthy, burdened by shopping and party obligations, are left out in the cold.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

Intrepid reporter Don Abrams surveys what might be damage from a massive landslide in the Philippines, although it’s hard to tell from his altitude.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

The United States gave billions of dollars in aid to the wealthy European principality of Andorra, which it mistakenly assumed was a poor African country.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:35 PM

The threat of nuclear war hangs over the region with no end in sight, just as it has for the past three decades.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:34 PM

Websites like Match.com allow sad, lonely women all over the country to invite pain and rejection into their lives with just a few clicks of the mouse.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:34 PM

The Department Of Transportation unveiled a new mandatory safety system designed to protect American drivers by keeping Nick Nolte off the road.