From: The Onion on Wed, Sep 29 2010 4:05 AM

Sex offender Michael Cote carefully engineered his rise to teen pop stardom to gain access to thousands of underage girls.

From: The Onion on Wed, Sep 29 2010 4:05 AM

Sex offender Michael Cote carefully engineered his rise to teen pop stardom to gain access to thousands of underage girls.

From: The Onion on Thu, Sep 23 2010 1:56 PM

On Today Now!, golf expert Jordan Ritter has some Pro Tips for maintaining a steady swing while hitting the links with your mistress' husband.

From: The Onion on Tue, Sep 21 2010 10:06 PM

Onion News Network pundit Joad Cressbeckler takes NASA to task for getting full as a tick on the hard earned money of Americans.

From: The Onion on Wed, Sep 15 2010 3:22 AM

The emergency influx of bachelors is expected to combat crisis levels of good men ready for something real.

From: The Onion on Wed, Sep 15 2010 3:22 AM

The emergency influx of bachelors is expected to combat crisis levels of good men ready for something real.

From: The Onion on Thu, Sep 09 2010 5:24 PM

In this O-SPAN clip from 1963, the CIA explains that the accidental overthrow was due to "a little miscommunication" while overthrowing some nearby Central American countries.

From: The Onion on Thu, Sep 09 2010 5:24 PM

In this O-SPAN clip from 1963, the CIA explains that the accidental overthrow was due to "a little miscommunication" while overthrowing some nearby Central American countries.

From: The Onion on Wed, Sep 08 2010 4:00 PM

Author Nina Davis says you don’t have to diet to look slimmer, just mash your flab into a more flattering silhouette.

From: The Onion on Wed, Sep 08 2010 4:00 PM

Author Nina Davis says you don’t have to diet to look slimmer, just mash your flab into a more flattering silhouette.

From: The Onion on Wed, Sep 01 2010 5:19 PM

Police invaded notorious meth dealer Daryl Krogen’s home, seizing dozens of bicycle parts and more than ten dollars worth of stolen paint.

From: The Onion on Thu, Aug 26 2010 4:33 PM

Panelists discuss the many ways in which our educational system caters to students who try, care, are awake.

From: The Onion on Tue, Aug 24 2010 7:55 PM

Doing away with kid-friendly info bubbles and colorful photos, new 'TIME Advanced' will cater to adults with an interest in news.

From: The Onion on Tue, Aug 03 2010 8:22 PM

On Today Now!, author Christine Eckard teaches Jim and Tracy to imagine economic problems as oily, curly-haired "Grabblers."

From: The Onion on Tue, Jul 27 2010 8:21 PM

Chilling audio recovered from Flight 1134’s data-recording parrot, Banana, contain mentions of "altitude loss", "pretty feathers".

From: The Onion on Tue, Jul 20 2010 7:44 PM

Today Now! welcomes entertainment reporter Alex Blair, who has all the gossip on Jen’s adorable new man.

From: The Onion on Wed, Jul 14 2010 7:18 PM

"'Molly' and Developmental Psychologist Dr. Kenneth Ives come on Today Now! to talk about her upbringing as a half-human, half-Wolf Blitzer.

From: The Onion on Fri, Jul 09 2010 6:54 PM

In The Know panelists discuss yesterday’s truck accident, and why nothing was done to prevent the vehicle from accidentally spiraling out of control and killing rafters in canyon below.

From: The Onion on Wed, Jul 07 2010 6:51 PM

Tech Trends' Jeff Tate explains the new service that pairs insufferable Apple customers with "friends" that will listen to them rattle on for hours.

From: The Onion on Tue, Jul 06 2010 6:46 PM

While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. With our state-of-the-art wormhole satellites, we can now transmit Onion News Network broadcasts from the year 2137.