From: The Onion on Fri, Apr 29 2011 5:42 PM

Democrats finally admitted they may need help to work out their issues.

From: The Onion on Fri, Apr 29 2011 5:42 PM

Obama plans to rob Fort Knox, a 25-year-old man who was raised by parents is still struggling to adjust to human society, and the velociraptor from Jurassic Park is dead at 45.

From: The Onion on Thu, Apr 28 2011 4:34 AM

Jim and Tracy welcome Chris Morgan, the kindergartener who wrote the latest action-packed "Fast And The Furious" sequel.

From: The Onion on Sat, Apr 23 2011 2:31 AM

The rest of this year’s pop culture to be "pretty rough,” The Economist lets readers catch up, and a Wal-Mart greeter knows exactly how many blacks are in the store. It's the week of April 18th, 2011.

From: The Onion on Tue, Apr 19 2011 6:33 PM

Panelists discuss how owning a top-of-the-line MacBook or an iPad 2 is actually essential to finding a new job.

From: The Onion on Sat, Apr 16 2011 3:42 AM

Aspen police frantically search for a missing ski, the show Ghost Hunters somehow always finds ghosts, and voyeurs watch a womens' march through the bushes. It’s the week of April 11th, 2011.

From: The Onion on Sat, Apr 16 2011 3:42 AM

Today Now! dating expert Rebeccah Rachel shares tips for getting the attention of that cute guy who’s thrusting his erection inside of you.

From: The Onion on Sat, Apr 16 2011 3:42 AM

The Health and Human Services says that the country’s Shawnas are "tan enough."

From: The Onion on Thu, Apr 07 2011 12:10 PM

Americans audition for a government production of Guys and Dolls, a jukebox flat-out rejects an Oasis CD, and a juror in Barry Bonds trial is ready for any foul balls. It’s the week of April 4th, 2011.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 31 2011 3:56 PM

Every week beginning April 7, The Onion will present a video review of the most vital events of the past seven days. Now, you can be completely caught up on the news from America’s Finest News Source, without even learning how to read.

From: The Onion on Tue, Mar 29 2011 3:08 PM

The last vestige of the American Dream slipped away as a Pennington, IL resident quietly laid aside his hope of owning a bar & grill.

From: The Onion on Tue, Mar 29 2011 1:16 AM

The Damaged Women’s Coalition angrily marched on the capitol this afternoon before returning later drunk and crying.

From: The Onion on Fri, Mar 25 2011 9:36 PM

The nation is still reeling from accident at Sony Pictures which unleashed dozens of films starring the irritating actress on an unsuspecting public.

From: The Onion on Wed, Mar 23 2011 4:25 PM

While frustrated parents may feel driven to violently shake their video game-playing grown children who still live at home, it can have serious medical consequences.

From: The Onion on Tue, Mar 22 2011 4:18 PM

Jean Anne Whorton goes Beyond The Facts, talking to the high school sophomore who has become a conservative hero for refusing to learn his Spanish vocabulary.

From: The Onion on Mon, Mar 21 2011 3:43 PM

The CIA’s invention of Facebook has saved the government millions of dollars.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 17 2011 12:03 AM

Actor Ben Stiller urges parents with adult kids still living at home to think twice before shaking their manchildren in frustration.

From: The Onion on Mon, Mar 14 2011 10:47 PM

The most reliable caged Americans in cable news give their trenchant, homespun insight into current events.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:47 PM

A new study finds that having sick friends may improve your physique.

From: The Onion on Thu, Mar 10 2011 2:47 PM

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