From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:51 PM

This just in: a news story.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:51 PM

777777777.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:51 PM

Let’s get this DeLorean up to 69 MPH.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:50 PM

Why spend $10,000 down to have the crap scared out of you?

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:50 PM

These guys make regular arm wrestling look like a thumb war.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:49 PM

"This one goes out to all the gametes out there."

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:46 PM

Relax. He only let it go on until America’s Funniest Home Videos came back from commercial.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:45 PM

Breaking stories. Exclusive interviews. Bitch-stomping weather.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:45 PM

What he hurt most was his pride. His pelvis was a close second, though.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:45 PM

They’re actually not aware it's a tribute. No one has had the heart to tell them he died.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:45 PM

From the DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME file: "Hm, still not going off. Try looking down the barrel."

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:45 PM

"In other news: still no update on that stolen nerve gas that drives reporters insane."

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:44 PM

That’s nothing. I used to bullseye lego guys in my T-16 back home.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:43 PM

The good news is he made $300 mowing every lawn in the neighborhood. Just kidding — he just died!

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:43 PM

He forgot to call shotgun.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:42 PM

It’s never too late to whip out your favorite joke.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:42 PM

Somehow the big, brass horns make it even sexier.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:42 PM

This marks the first time in history anyone disrespected mall security.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:40 PM

And almost half of them understandable.

From: CollegeHumor on Tue, Apr 05 2011 4:40 PM

When in doubt, go full contact.